Gummy bear amazon review
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BRB, Crying From These Hilarious Amazon Reviews
Photos by Meredith Jenks. There has been lots of talk on the internet about Haribo sugarfree gummy bears and how they make you make shit like a madman. According to these detailed Amazon reviews , just a handful of the bears can cause an immediate evacuation of the gastrointestinal tract. There are 53 pages of reviews on Amazon, each one topping the last with a story of gummy-fueled diarrhea nightmares. That stench is from me, seven years ago.
I'm no avid Amazon shopper or reader of online reviews, but I've scanned my share and have never seen anything close to the kind of in-depth reporting that's found on the Haribo sugarfree gummy bear Amazon reviews page.
The metaphors are akin to something John Donne would have written after a particularly stinging shit. This whole thing seemed like a stupid internet hoax—an excuse for people to pen elaborate fictions about their somewhat irregular but ultimately harmless gummy bear-induced shits.
The reporter in me knew what had to be done. I bought a few pounds of the day-glo bears at a candy store in Manhattan and found myself in the VICE offices late last Saturday night, shoving handfuls in my mouth, determined to find out the truth. I camped out on a leather couch in the lobby. Leather seemed easiest to hose down if I didn't make it to the bathroom in time.
The bears were still cold from being outside and the first few were tough on the jaw. Once they warmed up, the texture was everything we've come to expect from the good people at Haribo.
The flavor was amazing, too. Lycasin, the sugar substitute that's supposed to be the source of the colonic unrest, tastes amazing. Splenda and other artificial sugars have nothing on Lycasin, aside from the alleged diarrhea part.
I hooked down a handful. The first half hour felt close to that anxious period right after dropping acid, when you're killing time and waiting for it to hit. I hadn't eaten gummy bears since I was 12, and I figured that I would have felt the same after eating any fist-sized glob of gelatin.
Meredith—the photographer who encouraged VICE to test these gummies in the first place thanks, Meredith! I started spitting out thick, red loogies.
A few times I felt like yakking up the gummy bears, but I forced myself to keep them inside. If those bears wanted out, they'd have to find another way. Very wrong. But the bears were too good to quit. I kept eating. An adamant voice in the back of my head kept telling me, "Slow and steady. Push things out too fast and you might let more slip than you want to. But after two hours of eating the bears, I still hadn't made a mad dash to the bathroom.
Maybe my theory was right. Maybe all the Haribo diarrhea emergency stories were exaggerated internet fiction. Another bonsai kitten hoax. In its trailer, there's a quick shot of a woman napping on a couch as something starts to force its way up from inside her belly.
I felt like this was happening to me. The bears were gnawing at my stomach lining. I started to think this dumb stunt could actually cause serious damage. By this point, I'd lost my ability to communicate clearly. My sentences came out fractured and punctuated with groans.
The guard didn't seem particularly surprised that this was happening. I stood up for the first time in an hour and gravity started to take hold.
I just about let loose of everything I had inside me as I opened the door to let him in the office. The bears opened my lower pod bay door and a gummy hell sprang forth. I made it to the toilet, just barely. My watery shit looked like a blend of bile and egg flower soup. With all attempts at modesty destroyed, I allowed Meredith and my buddy to follow me into the bathroom.
He shied away, but Meredith came in like a pro, knowing what kind of massacre she was walking into. It took every ounce of my being not to shit my pants on the corner of Manhattan and Norman Avenues in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.
My rectum put on a star performance. At least I got to the bottom of the Haribo mystery. I ate the bears so the world wouldn't have to. I fell asleep with a noble sense of self-importance—and the faint smell of fruity shit clinging to my clothes. A well-groomed older gentleman led me by the hand down a long corridor. He stopped and pushed open a door, revealing the most magnificent and ornate bathroom I had ever seen.
He smiled and nodded and quietly shut the door behind me, leaving me alone, and—. Whatever happened in the VICE office was nothing compared to this. I dug my iPhone from the pocket of the pants bunched around my ankles, and fired up the voice recorder. Be warned: the audio I caught is not for the faint of heart. I was a shell of a man, fingers pruned from dehydration. The wreckage I left in the bathroom was too much for my weak body to deal with. I left it for a roommate to clean up.
She wandered into the bathroom, took one look inside, and stomped back to our bed. This story is over 5 years old.
Jan 20 , pm.
Customer Review. Luke · out of 5 stars See And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free. "What a deal!" I thought. Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for Albanese Confecetionery Sugar Free Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5 Pound Bag at wellbrook.com.au
Customer reviews. Write a review. How does Amazon calculate star ratings? The model takes into account factors including the age of a rating, whether the ratings are from verified purchasers, and factors that establish reviewer trustworthiness. See All Buying Options.
Came across with these funny and crazy way of reviewing a product and that happens to be an expensive Headphones. I know that there are several products on amazon that are full of thousands of funny reviews like this.
But as Michael Rusch at Buzzfeed points out, the negative reviews are terrifying enough to keep customers away forever. About reviewers claimed to spend hours in the bathroom after ingesting the bears.
Amazon Reviews Of Haribo's Sugarless Gummy Bears Are Terrifying
Discussion in ' Off-topic Discussion ' started by S , Aug 13, Log in or Sign up. Which one of the Top 4 did you find the funniest? Aug 13, 1. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy.
Top 4 Funniest Reviews of Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears
Skip navigation! Story from Tech. Amazon reviews are an essential part of the online shopping process. They're what users depend on to let them know if the Snuggie they're considering is truly snuggly. They tell buyers if a package of " unicorn snot " is actually a lot smaller than the picture suggests. They warn against the perils of questionable snacks. And while many reviewers are obviously passionate about leading their fellow consumers on the right path, others treat writing Amazon reviews as a kind of comedic art. Here are some of the funniest reviews ever to grace Amazon, covering everything from top blockbusters to the products of mythical animals.
Many of you are familiar with these colorful German Gummies. Apparently, the sugar free substitute in these delicious bears results in consumers experiencing gastric disasters like no other.
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Photos by Meredith Jenks. There has been lots of talk on the internet about Haribo sugarfree gummy bears and how they make you make shit like a madman. According to these detailed Amazon reviews , just a handful of the bears can cause an immediate evacuation of the gastrointestinal tract. There are 53 pages of reviews on Amazon, each one topping the last with a story of gummy-fueled diarrhea nightmares. That stench is from me, seven years ago. I'm no avid Amazon shopper or reader of online reviews, but I've scanned my share and have never seen anything close to the kind of in-depth reporting that's found on the Haribo sugarfree gummy bear Amazon reviews page. The metaphors are akin to something John Donne would have written after a particularly stinging shit. This whole thing seemed like a stupid internet hoax—an excuse for people to pen elaborate fictions about their somewhat irregular but ultimately harmless gummy bear-induced shits. The reporter in me knew what had to be done. I bought a few pounds of the day-glo bears at a candy store in Manhattan and found myself in the VICE offices late last Saturday night, shoving handfuls in my mouth, determined to find out the truth. I camped out on a leather couch in the lobby. Leather seemed easiest to hose down if I didn't make it to the bathroom in time. The bears were still cold from being outside and the first few were tough on the jaw. Once they warmed up, the texture was everything we've come to expect from the good people at Haribo.
Sugarless Gummy Bears Are Not Safe for Humans
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